The first few days after my son was gone to Indonesia were strange. I found myself waking up at 7.30 in the morning to get him ready for school. And at 2.57 pm, I automatically prepared myself to pick him up. I had to remind myself a few times that the routines we had developed would be unnecessary, at least until he is back from his summer trip.
I felt a big opening in my schedule. I felt glad. But I also felt empty.
Empty? Where did that come from? As I reflected upon my experiences, then I realized. There were moments in life where I used my son as an excuse to hold me back from pursuing my dreams. Yes, picking him up from school, teaching him math, or doing grocery on behalf of the family, are all good things. However, when those things stand in the way of pursuing my passion, the reason why I am alive on Earth, then it is a problem.
As the head of the family, it is my sacred duty to determine the direction of where the family is heading. That starts with me. I need to know where I am going and take the necessary steps to make sure that I am moving in the right direction. When I am directionless, the family becomes headless. And a family without a head is lost.
As a warrior, my word is law. When I make a commitment to myself, it needs to get done. Either do it 100% or don’t do it at all. When I fulfill my commitments and then celebrate those achievements, my spirit becomes stronger.
When my son is around, it makes it easy for me to hide behind the excuse of family responsibilities. While the truth is, I am actually running away from my commitment as a man. When my words become weak, I become weak.
I love my son very much and would move heaven and earth to make sure he is ok. But when I suddenly realized that I was using him as an excuse, that’s when I knew my understanding of love had been tainted.
With a friend, I went to an ice-cream parlor. Getting an ice-cream without my son, I felt emptiness. Glancing at me, he said, “Tomorrow, let’s start the swagger.”
I looked inside. Either I could see this void as an emptiness, or I could see it as a newly found space, a spare energy in my psyche, to fuel my aspiration towards my life dreams.
I paused and answered, “Not tomorrow. Let’s start now.” I renewed my commitment to myself then.
The next morning, I did my jogging. I saw myself breaking through my own barriers and got to the promised land. I finished feeling rejuvenated. I dedicated the newly found energy to my son who was half a globe away. He might be far but he was united with me in spirit. He is a little warrior. And in order for him to be able to fully grow into a full-blown warrior, he needs to have his father as his role-model.
Swagger. Today. Now.
Bro Chan – Life Coach
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